Beware Of Attack Squirrel
Zeke
221 Posts
I live in an apartment complex in a wooded residential suburb right outside of Philadelphia. When I moved in I noticed these little signs on each of the designated trash areas that said, "Beware Of Attack Squirrel." I chortled and dismissed the signs as kitsch. Starting in May, one of my neighbors started to put slices of bread on a fence in the trash section, which attracted the local squirrels. I'm pretty sure it is the middle aged woman in the floor below me who has done some Greenpeace flyering on the complex's cars and doors. Anyway, I've seen these little devilish furballs digging through the trash and usually they scatter as soon as someone comes towards them. However, there have been a few intrepid mean looking squirrels that hang out and stare. I've had a few early morning staredowns with these oversized mice. Their mouths packed with trash and their beady little eyes screaming, "Do something, motherfucker" like only a woodland creature's eyes can. About 45 minutes ago I went to go take out a bag of trash. I opened the lid and out shot the most massive squirrel I have ever seen. No, the squirrel didn't creep out or peak his little head out, this bad mamma-jamma SHOT out of the trashcan right towards me. I threw the bag into the can and in the process knocked this beast out of the air. He did a little somersault and landed pretty much in full stride, running to a part of the fence very near the "Beware of Attack Squirrel" sign. Just before leaping into a near-by tree, I SWEAR he turned his head at me, bared his little squirrel teeth and made a series of *click click click* noises. Now, I'm a peaceful dude and don't like killing animals, but I think this was a pronouncement of interspecies war. Before I devise a plan, I have to ask if this is normal squirrel behavior or is this little bastard rabid?Any help would be greatly appreciated.Sincerely,Scared of squirrels in Wynnewood
Comments
on mulberry street i have the same problem only our squirrels are grey and have a pink, non-bushy tail.
You are in the wrong. I think you two should make up with an acorn picnic for two.
The clicking sound is normal.
These bandits have fucked with the wrong guy. I am currently deciding whether I need to prime a piece of rye bread with some psilocybe cubensis mycelium and teach these guys a lesson. Nothing more humbling than a unknowingly submitting oneself to a heavy mushroom trip. Is this wrong?
Or, if they do eat it, problem solved. Sounds like a win-win.
Except for the squirrels. No win for them.
This guy looked more like this:
than this:
I'm afraid of this:
and may respond like this:
And thus the cirlce of life.
I wouldn't go as far as spraying down the trash, but a chubby squirrel is a bad sign. They should be able to live off the fat of the land not get fat off the fat of the land.
It's a tough call but it'd just let them be.
Actually, the hardest part is getting them to piss in the jar.
Sounds like you need to call in a professional. Don't ask where the squirrels went, and Jesse won't tell.
They should, but they'll have to work around the houses and the highways and the malls and the factories and power stations and the toxic dumps and the polluted lakes and the parking lots.
I think you need to get the landlord to invest in new garbage cans and bins that are squirrel-proof.
Spraying them down with a cleaning product is easy, affordable, no stress and won't hurt the squirrels. If a squirrel smells something fucked up, they're not gonna eat it. Just like younger children hating anything tasting bitter, their sense of smell and taste are instinctively tuned to reject unnaturally bitter tasting cleaning products that would poison them. It is things like PCBs and tasteless odorless molecules that kill animals.
move out of Jersey
I guess in the end, I don't care too much, I've just never experienced such intrepid squirrel antics before.