a: you need a book, binoculars, tweezers and a matchbox.
you go down to the river to read the book and when the alligator come up to read over your shoulder, you look at him through the binoculars backwards, pick him up with the tweezers and put him in the matchbox.... and laughter insues.
Banjo players aint to bright. The fiddler thought there was a problem with his blinkers so he asked the banjo player to get out and tell him if the blinker was working. The banjo player stood there just staring with a puzzled look.
Is the blinker working?
I'm not sure, now it's working, now it's not, now it's it working, now it's...
The cello player comes home to find his house burnt to the ground. The police and fire dept are there.
I'm sorry to tell you it was arson. That's terrible. The good news is we caught the guy. Who would want to burn down my house? It was the conductor. All happy: The conductor came to my house!!!
here's a mexican joke i heard recently from a friend living in xalapa. pepito is apparantly a character that features in quite a few mexican jokes. although this joke still translates on a certain level, the core of the joke is definitely based on a different kind of humor than most western ones. it doesn't hit you right away. although i told this to a mexican friend of mine and she was in tears laughing. anyway, it goes something like this...
Pepe runs into his grandmother's house and says "Grandma, grandma, Pepito shit his pants!" Grandma says "WHAT?! How can that be? I toilet trained him over a year ago!" "Grandma," says Pepe, "he shit his pants because he fell off the roof!"
here's a mexican joke i heard recently from a friend living in xalapa. pepito is apparantly a character that features in quite a few mexican jokes. although this joke still translates on a certain level, the core of the joke is definitely based on a different kind of humor than most western ones. it doesn't hit you right away. although i told this to a mexican friend of mine and she was in tears laughing. anyway, it goes something like this...
Pepe runs into his grandmother's house and says "Grandma, grandma, Pepito shit his pants!" Grandma says "WHAT?! How can that be? I toilet trained him over a year ago!" "Grandma," says Pepe, "he shit his pants because he fell off the roof!"
Comments
not a got damn thing thats what.
LOL!
The PGA tour.
a: (stretching out my arms) cause he was hung like this.
q: how do you catch an alligator?
a: you need a book, binoculars, tweezers and a matchbox.
you go down to the river to read the book and when the alligator come up to read over your shoulder, you look at him through the binoculars backwards, pick him up with the tweezers and put him in the matchbox.... and laughter insues.
both looking for a tight seal.
*healthcareindustryobscureraer*
I always heard the punchline to this setup as "You can only fit three fingers in a bowling ball."
Is the blinker working?
I'm not sure, now it's working, now it's not, now it's it working, now it's...
You can shingle a house with pancakes, but ice cream had no bones.
Or a vest has no sleeves.....take your pick of punchlines.
Its a MENSA joke. Smart people are dumb.
Ive never got that joke, but ive heard it a few times.
Tell it to a really really really smart person and see if they laugh.
I'm sorry to tell you it was arson.
That's terrible.
The good news is we caught the guy.
Who would want to burn down my house?
It was the conductor.
All happy: The conductor came to my house!!!
AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!
aha
aha
AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!![/b]
A: They can't find the key and they don't know when to come in.
One's a Busy Ditch
How do you get a one armed Texan out of a tree?
Wave
A: Government bonds eventually mature and earn money.
A: The Uzi stops after 20 rounds.
A: New Age music
Rooster says "Cock-A-Doodle Do"
Paris says "Any-Cock'll-Do"
What's the difference between a nun and a whore in the bathtub.
One has hope in her soul.
YOU DON'T KNOW????
I'm totally in the dark??
I only remember Dead Baby Jokes...And, I've stopped telling those, because I want to have a baby at some point in my near future.
a blender.
How do you get a baby out of a jar?
corn chips.
(Particularly effective if someone is eating nachos
A: Homeless.
Record collectors have girl friends?!?
Pepe runs into his grandmother's house and says "Grandma, grandma, Pepito shit his pants!" Grandma says "WHAT?! How can that be? I toilet trained him over a year ago!" "Grandma," says Pepe, "he shit his pants because he fell off the roof!"
give it a minute though.
That's a good one!
Q.Why do elephants have big ears?
A. Because Noddy would'nt pay the ransom.
You don't.
"Waiter! Waiter! What's this robot doing in my soup?"
"It looks like he's performing human tasks twice as well, because he knows no fear or pain."
Knock knock.
Who's there?
A robot.
Oh, shit.
Why did the robot order a milkshake?
To blend in with the general human population, making it easier to infiltrate society and ??? in time ??? conquer it.
A: None. Metalheads aren't afraid of the dark.