Bumping this thread because I have been dealing with depression lately and I don't know how to deal with it. I'm turning 30 soon and I feel I haven't accomplished shit in my 20s. I don't really have any friends (thanks to all my bizarre quirks and social ineptness). No relationships to speak of. I have never really traveled. I have a good job, but I do the same thing day in and day out with limited interaction with coworkers and the outside world. When I go home, I try to do something "constructive" like read, listen to records, working on my crappy beats no one will listen to anyway, watch movies, etc. but I end up getting either tired or bored, only to wake up crying the next morning and continue the redundant cycle all over again. I feel I suck at everything I do or try to do. I have been going to community college taking various classes, but I have no idea what I should major in (five-figure student loan debt? Fuck that.) I don't know what the hell I want to do with my life. Quitting drinking/weed, eating healthier (when I do feel the urge to eat, which seems to only be once or twice a day) and taking medication doesn't do shit. I'm not suicidal (it's in the family, though), but I often think "why bother?". My close relationship with my family and fear of what's after death is the only thing that keeps me from that. I know my worries may sound like small peanuts to those of you have been-there-done-that, so I was reluctant to post this out of fear of being clowned, but I needed to get this off my chest. I'm aimless and I don't know what to do.
I believe it was R***?
I myself have generalized anxiety disorder and depending on stressful situations have depression. I am currently in the midst of a stressful/anxiety-inducing circumstance, which I am trying to get out of. I was down to 5mg Prozac (which is close to nothing) but have reluctantly but out of necessity taken it up in dosage recently again; because my sleep and quality of life is being affected.
I'm 31, and totally feel all that you've mentioned. Not feeling like you've accomplished much in your 20s, and looking for stable ground, both financially and emotionally. Seems like you're trying to do too many things. My advice is narrowing it down to one or two. Also, feel you on the "not having friends" stuff. If you have siblings, why not consult with them? If you're an only child, then I guess your options may be limited, so spill your guts wherever you can. It totally sucks, because when you are depressed, you don't feel like you can keep up with your peer's energy, and so you keep to yourself, which definitely compounds the problem. I can totally relate.
I think Bassie touched on this too, but wherever you can; express yourself. A journal, Facebook, or to family. There are certainly times in your life when all seems lost and you feel completely alone. I know, I've been there.
By the way, you were quite an amicable dude the one time I met you. Keep your head up, and go do something that feels good. It's okay to cry too.
Even if you do not have the energy to jog outside, you can do squats, situps, and pushups indoors....Endorphins right? Helps a little. All you need is just a little surge of optimism every now and then; I think you can definitely find this with some effort.
I have a good job, but I do the same thing day in and day out with limited interaction
do you have good health insurance from your job? because psychologists/psychiatrists are usually covered and if you see an in netowrk provider, you'd likely only pay the office visit copay for sessions. since you don't have friends you can reach out to, i really think you should try this. talking to someone will help you tremendously especially since it seems you are becoming more withdrawn.
HarveyCanal"a distraction from my main thesis." 13,234 Posts
This just dropped today, and while it's indicting a chronic stoner shut-in, it seems to address the topic of this thread as well...
"It's alright, you're still young. You got everything behind you but yourself."
Bumping this thread because I have been dealing with depression lately and I don't know how to deal with it. I'm turning 30 soon and I feel I haven't accomplished shit in my 20s. I don't really have any friends (thanks to all my bizarre quirks and social ineptness). No relationships to speak of. I have never really traveled. I have a good job, but I do the same thing day in and day out with limited interaction with coworkers and the outside world. When I go home, I try to do something "constructive" like read, listen to records, working on my crappy beats no one will listen to anyway, watch movies, etc. but I end up getting either tired or bored, only to wake up crying the next morning and continue the redundant cycle all over again. I feel I suck at everything I do or try to do. I have been going to community college taking various classes, but I have no idea what I should major in (five-figure student loan debt? Fuck that.) I don't know what the hell I want to do with my life. Quitting drinking/weed, eating healthier (when I do feel the urge to eat, which seems to only be once or twice a day) and taking medication doesn't do shit. I'm not suicidal (it's in the family, though), but I often think "why bother?". My close relationship with my family and fear of what's after death is the only thing that keeps me from that. I know my worries may sound like small peanuts to those of you have been-there-done-that, so I was reluctant to post this out of fear of being clowned, but I needed to get this off my chest. I'm aimless and I don't know what to do.
Although it was more than 10 years ago, we met and you seemed like a completely nice and together dude. Sucks to hear you are feeling sonin the dumps. For whatever it's worth, you helping me find that Louisiana 45 was an act of kindness I will never forget. Diin kind things for others is extremely gratifying, and something I don't do enough. Just so you know. I appreciate you.
Bumping this thread because I have been dealing with depression lately and I don't know how to deal with it. I'm turning 30 soon and I feel I haven't accomplished shit in my 20s. I don't really have any friends (thanks to all my bizarre quirks and social ineptness). No relationships to speak of. I have never really traveled. I have a good job, but I do the same thing day in and day out with limited interaction with coworkers and the outside world. When I go home, I try to do something "constructive" like read, listen to records, working on my crappy beats no one will listen to anyway, watch movies, etc. but I end up getting either tired or bored, only to wake up crying the next morning and continue the redundant cycle all over again. I feel I suck at everything I do or try to do. I have been going to community college taking various classes, but I have no idea what I should major in (five-figure student loan debt? Fuck that.) I don't know what the hell I want to do with my life. Quitting drinking/weed, eating healthier (when I do feel the urge to eat, which seems to only be once or twice a day) and taking medication doesn't do shit. I'm not suicidal (it's in the family, though), but I often think "why bother?". My close relationship with my family and fear of what's after death is the only thing that keeps me from that. I know my worries may sound like small peanuts to those of you have been-there-done-that, so I was reluctant to post this out of fear of being clowned, but I needed to get this off my chest. I'm aimless and I don't know what to do.
hang in there Electrode. depression is truly a terrible illness. i'm a couple of years older than you and have had it bad, but not constant, for 10 years and counting. when i graduated university the pressure and responsibility just completely caved me in and i ended up in hospital. tried many different medications and they don't work for me. i don't know what it is, something on the bipolar scale, or a type of personality disorder on top of the good old depression and anxiety.
anyway, i understand everything you say. at the moment i'm ok and holding down a good job as well, but i'm so busy with it i have no time for anything else. i do know that when you're in the state you describe, your thinking is all wrong. completely back to front. can you get some cognitive behaviour therapy, or techniques to train you to think differently? it sounds impossible, i know, but it does help. you might find a different med to help you as well, keep trying them if you can tolerate them.
try not to compare yourself with others situations. i've travelled, am happily divorced and had amazing relationships and life experiences throughout all this shit.
i hope you feel a little better for getting this out here and feel you can share these problems. it's more common than you might think, and in a way i find it helps to hear about others dealing with it. like when you read about an actor or sports person talking about their experiences, i don't feel so bad about sharing it with them. i wouldn't wish this illness on even the worst that humanity has to offer. it is really that bad. good luck mate, talk about it.
Electrode,
A few years ago (and the same age) I was experiencing many of the things are you describing. I was able to combat these issues by performing a complete lifestyle change. I left my job, moved out of town, went to grad school. The idea was to put myself out of my comfort zone and really push myself. I was getting too comfortable with life routine.
You can try changing your diet or whatever, but I think you perhaps need something more drastic. Take a leap of faith man, put yourself out into the world.
I recently did a round of sessions for my anxiety issues and found it very helpful.
As mentioned above, I have also used C.B.T. and found that great too, but for a slightly different issue.
My work day is finally almost over and I have been able to read all these lengthy replies and words of encouragement. I did not expect to receive so many of them. I needed to spill my guts and I thank you all for letting me do so. A lot of you are right. I need to stop comparing myself to others. I admit: I'm a jealous person. Maybe it's that dreaded Short Man's Complex I would like to think I don't have. I envy those who travel the globe, have the wife and the whole nine (such as my 'little' brother who graduated from the Air Force Academy while I was sitting in front of the TV drinking and smoking myself into oblivion). I hate that everything is dominated by money: money needed to travel, money needed to go to school, etc. And I do need to volunteer. Well, I already do, but it's at a revival movie theater and taking tickets for isn't exactly saving the planet. Maybe at the National Guard post near my house where they feed and shelter the homeless during the Holidays or at the local burn center. I don't know yet. There are a lot of people who don't have the things I DO have and I need to get that through my thick skull. I have been exercising by walking up and around the block to get the mail, so I guess that's a start. The belly and the high blood pressure needs to go.
Anyhow, I love this place and love all of you. I mean that from the bottom of my heart.
Electrode
Hit me on pm, there are strategies that work
Many of us have been where you are and come out the other side
Big_Stacks"I don't worry about hittin' power, cause I don't give 'em nuttin' to hit." 4,670 Posts
Electrode said:
My work day is finally almost over and I have been able to read all these lengthy replies and words of encouragement. I did not expect to receive so many of them. I needed to spill my guts and I thank you all for letting me do so. A lot of you are right. I need to stop comparing myself to others. I admit: I'm a jealous person. Maybe it's that dreaded Short Man's Complex I would like to think I don't have. I envy those who travel the globe, have the wife and the whole nine (such as my 'little' brother who graduated from the Air Force Academy while I was sitting in front of the TV drinking and smoking myself into oblivion). I hate that everything is dominated by money: money needed to travel, money needed to go to school, etc. And I do need to volunteer. Well, I already do, but it's at a revival movie theater and taking tickets for isn't exactly saving the planet. Maybe at the National Guard post near my house where they feed and shelter the homeless during the Holidays or at the local burn center. I don't know yet. There are a lot of people who don't have the things I DO have and I need to get that through my thick skull. I have been exercising by walking up and around the block to get the mail, so I guess that's a start. The belly and the high blood pressure needs to go.
Anyhow, I love this place and love all of you. I mean that from the bottom of my heart.
Now enough about me. Back to the record talk
Hey Electrode,
Every day above earth is a blessing. Be grateful! As long as you are alive, you have opportunity to better your lot in life. Most important of all are your health and well-being. The rich man would give up all his riches to live. Focus on being well physically, mentally, and emotionally, and you'll live life more richly. You must CHOOSE to be happy (in terms of outlook), and being grateful is a fine place to start. Be well, friend!!!
I know my worries may sound like small peanuts to those of you have been-there-done-that, so I was reluctant to post this out of fear of being clowned, .
It takes guts to lay it out there, there ain't no shame. And it shows that your aware of the situation and want to do something about it, which is healthy. I've been down in the past and it has been tied to PTSD wrt a climbing accident that occured when I was 20. Often it was cyclical, pot and alcohol intake going up almost as quickly as my daily coping skills plumetted. I crashed completely a couple of times.The only thing that saved me was getting into a rock solid relationship with someone that inexplicably found something to love in me. She's my anchor, for real. Guess my advice to you is try to shake the routine up, meet some news folks in your hood. And as Bassie said talking to a pro can really make a difference. The key is finding someone that will get to know you as a person not a clinical trial.
For me being outside and being physically active seems to solve all my problems. I've been clowned on here in the past for being into snowboarding and surfing and being into the outdoors etc...but these are things that make me happy and make me feel healthy both physically and mentally.
I know starting a new hobby can be intimidating and not something that one picks up with skill right away but there is a real psychological reward to becoming incrementally better at something that is also healthy. People who have a passion for the outdoors are the happiest people I know. Running, riding a bike, climbing, etc... are all cheap cost of entry and great ways to clear your head.
There a ton of meet-up style groups that are down to nurture beginners of all activities. Something to considering.
Take a leap of faith man, put yourself out into the world.
I agree with this in that, when you have depression/anxiety, it is actually a great time to learn more about yourself. Concentrate on accomplishing ONE or TWO things and become good at it. You will feel good taking just baby steps during hard times.
Agree with what NateBizzo says too. The outdoors will heal; be it the beach, mountains, or river. You don't need anyone to go with either.
The fact that I wasn't the only one that felt you were a great dude in person says something about how your parents raised you, and is a testament to your character. Kinda just as important as money my dude. You can't buy compassion.
If I may, I'd suggest getting a bike (if you don't already have one) and taking daily rides, preferrably on tree-lined paths to connect you a bit to nature. Play some uplifting music on your rides, like Mayfield's "Move On Up", or Yellow Sunshine, or James Mason's "Free" etc. In a matter of days, your outlook will change dramatically.
The daily rides will increase your appetite, and over time, you might start feeling the need to do pushups/situps etc. which will further increase your appetite and your attitude towards your physical and overall health.
Which brings me to my next point...
I suggest joining a co-ed rec sports league and taking up softball, or ultimate, soccer, etc. No one takes the games seriously, so don't worry if you "suck", just have a good sense of humour about it. You'll start making friends in no time, and although they might not share a love of raers, they'll still be down for post-game drinks. It's okay to be shy and feel things out for the first bit. But remember, they don't know you, so you get a fresh start--take advantage.
Lastly, most of us on here have been through a dark patch, (myself included), so know you have many community members here pulling for you. Good luck to you, keep your chin up, and please feel free to PM anytime.
A massive cosign on setting achievable goals and getting more physically active. the body does indeed feed the mind.
I also wholly concur on with taking steps to relax further before sleep - shut off the television and video games, cut out food and drink save water or relaxing tea and try to follow the deep breathing suggestions (I still struggle with breathing myself).
I would also add that therapy - regardless of the form - should not necessarily be overlooked as an option. in it's simplest form, talk therapy can provide a forum in which you can share / release thoughts, concerns, fears at a set frequency (once a week / every other week worked well for me). Over time, relegating such thoughts and expressions a specific forum can help to free up your own space for more creative and positive fare.
The bootstraps myth of mental health. While there are people in the world who thrive on negativity and/or the supposed romanticism of despair and need to break out of that cycle, there are others for whom depression and anxiety is a very real and weighty cloud that they can't get out from under. I know people are being helpful, but the implication of being able to "choose" happiness is that one chooses to be depressed and/or anxiety-ridden. Simply not true. And to be clear, for a lot of people, depression isn't about unhappiness but the absence of almost any emotions/connections and the inability to find an answer for, as Electrode put it, "why bother?".
Big_Stacks"I don't worry about hittin' power, cause I don't give 'em nuttin' to hit." 4,670 Posts
bassie said:
You must CHOOSE to be happy
The bootstraps myth of mental health. While there are people in the world who thrive on negativity and/or the supposed romanticism of despair and need to break out of that cycle, there are others for whom depression and anxiety is a very real and weighty cloud that they can't get out from under. I know people are being helpful, but the implication of being able to "choose" happiness is that one chooses to be depressed and/or anxiety-ridden. Simply not true. And to be clear, for a lot of people, depression isn't about unhappiness but the absence of almost any emotions/connections and the inability to find an answer for, as Electrode put it, "why bother?".
Hi Bassie,
I agree totally. I should've been clearer. By choosing happiness I meant to be proactive in doing things that will enhance well-being. Of course, that would include seeking out professional help in cases of mental (or physical) illness. The point is to not fall into a state of learned helplessness about one's illness. Certainly, I didn't mean to minimize the impact mental illness (actually, I'm a psychologist by training).
one chooses to be depressed and/or anxiety-ridden. Simply not true.
I swear I know people who do this.
But yeah... Choosing to be happy means to choose to do something about it. It will take some effort,
you can't expect it to fall in your lap.
The bootstraps myth of mental health. While there are people in the world who thrive on negativity and/or the supposed romanticism of despair and need to break out of that cycle, there are others for whom depression and anxiety is a very real and weighty cloud that they can't get out from under. I know people are being helpful, but the implication of being able to "choose" happiness is that one chooses to be depressed and/or anxiety-ridden. Simply not true. And to be clear, for a lot of people, depression isn't about unhappiness but the absence of almost any emotions/connections and the inability to find an answer for, as Electrode put it, "why bother?".
Hi Bassie,
I agree totally. I should've been clearer. By choosing happiness I meant to be proactive in doing things that will enhance well-being. Of course, that would include seeking out professional help in cases of mental (or physical) illness. The point is to not fall into a state of learned helplessness about one's illness. Certainly, I didn't mean to minimize the impact mental illness (actually, I'm a psychologist by training).
Peace,
Big Stacks from Kakalak
I think I understand what you're saying, Stacks. My sister and I were both exposed to a good deal of stress as children (moving apartments constantly, going to 7 different schools, two divorces, etc.) and the difference in how we've coped as adults is like night and day. I've been more proactive in seeking out help in understanding my issues and I've recognized that I'm the one with the power to make healthy choices for myself moving forward. My sister is still struggling with shedding that attitude of victimhood that prevents her from taking responsibility for her own well-being. As long as she refuses to clear that mental hurdle, she'll still be searching for some magic bullet that will cure her anxiety and depression at one fell swoop.
This thread is full of great advice. Electrode, I feel for you and I hope you can find something here that helps. You're clearly open to examining the issues and roadblocks you're facing and that's a great attitude to start with. When overwhelmed by circumstances that are difficult to control or feelings of existential hopelessness, I find it helpful to practice deep breathing, like Paycheck recommended, and remind myself that meaningful improvement is usually a slow process. As long as you keep at it, you'll see improvement and slowly the anxiety will feel more manageable.
People who have a passion for the outdoors are the happiest people I know.
E - Not sure where you are located and if you are headed towards cold weather and winter (if so, maybe something to keep in mind for next spring) but gardening is something worth trying. If your place doesn't have the space for it, there might be a community garden in your area. If not, maybe it's something to look into starting. It will depend on your municipality, but it is an endeavour that some areas publicly fund. Nurturing and maintaining a garden and growing your own food is both therapeutic and rewarding. There is a lot to be said for being self-sufficient, even in the smallest way. Community gardens put you in touch with people around you and depending on what the model is, provide fresh vegetables to those in need. You can even start small with indoor herb pots.
What a difference a day makes! I, for the first time in a couple weeks, feel really good. It's weird how I can go from miserable one day to euphoric the next. Anyhow, I'm kicking ass at work today and am brimming with ideas, thanks to all of you, of what I can do
parallax said:
Which brings me to my next point...
I suggest joining a co-ed rec sports league and taking up softball, or ultimate, soccer, etc. No one takes the games seriously, so don't worry if you "suck", just have a good sense of humour about it. You'll start making friends in no time, and although they might not share a love of raers, they'll still be down for post-game drinks. It's okay to be shy and feel things out for the first bit. But remember, they don't know you, so you get a fresh start--take advantage.
NateBizzo said:
People who have a passion for the outdoors are the happiest people I know. Running, riding a bike, climbing, etc... are all cheap cost of entry and great ways to clear your head. There a ton of meet-up style groups that are down to nurture beginners of all activities. Something to considering.
I just saw on meetup.com there's a local soccer group that plays at the park right around the corner. I haven't played since elementary school. They meet this Saturday morning, actually. I had a couple of you tell me to do some research regarding a possible career change. Well, I have been making phone calls to film post-production places (I love film and I took a digital video editing course earlier this year, so why not?) to ask them what exactly they do everyday. One person offered to take me on a tour of the place one day. I guess that's progress.
And I do have a garden, actually. It's a 2' x 8' space where I grow my own hot peppers. I tried tomatoes last season, but fungus and bugs completely screwed them up.
Anyhow, I just want to let you guys know that none of what has been mentioned has fallen gone on deaf ears. I think airing this out yesterday is just what I needed.
Big_Stacks"I don't worry about hittin' power, cause I don't give 'em nuttin' to hit." 4,670 Posts
Hey Electrode (and everyone),
One thing that I have incorporated into my efforts to maintain well-being is full-body massage. I have been chair of my academic department for 2 years and it is quite stressful. I get a massage weekly, and it's amazing how the stress literally rolls off of my back. Perhaps, if feasible, you can incorporate massage into your efforts to improve your well-being. This is an example of an active response to managing my stress and it has been really helpful. To the 'Strut massive, I am always impressed with how knowledgeable you are and how you show such wonderful support in times of distress. To Electrode, be well and know that I'm pulling for you, my friend!!!
What a difference a day makes! I, for the first time in a couple weeks, feel really good. It's weird how I can go from miserable one day to euphoric the next. Anyhow, I'm kicking ass at work today and am brimming with ideas, thanks to all of you, of what I can do
Honestly, this doesn't surprise me at all. The first step in solving many problems of this nature is to 'put it out there' so to speak. Say it out loud to people you know, or even people you don't. Even if you don't get the great responses you got here, that act alone can help set off a chain of events that can lead you in the right direction.
We are human. Life is suffering. We have all been hurt. I don't think you have lived until you have had your heart broken or a close friend or relative has passed on to the otherside.
We are happy and we are sad. Take the fuckin' happy days by the horns and ride em till the cows come home. Enjoy those special moments with the people who you love. Smile. Have sex as often as possible. Hug your closest friends. They need it.
Comments
I believe it was R***?
I myself have generalized anxiety disorder and depending on stressful situations have depression. I am currently in the midst of a stressful/anxiety-inducing circumstance, which I am trying to get out of. I was down to 5mg Prozac (which is close to nothing) but have reluctantly but out of necessity taken it up in dosage recently again; because my sleep and quality of life is being affected.
I'm 31, and totally feel all that you've mentioned. Not feeling like you've accomplished much in your 20s, and looking for stable ground, both financially and emotionally. Seems like you're trying to do too many things. My advice is narrowing it down to one or two. Also, feel you on the "not having friends" stuff. If you have siblings, why not consult with them? If you're an only child, then I guess your options may be limited, so spill your guts wherever you can. It totally sucks, because when you are depressed, you don't feel like you can keep up with your peer's energy, and so you keep to yourself, which definitely compounds the problem. I can totally relate.
I think Bassie touched on this too, but wherever you can; express yourself. A journal, Facebook, or to family. There are certainly times in your life when all seems lost and you feel completely alone. I know, I've been there.
By the way, you were quite an amicable dude the one time I met you. Keep your head up, and go do something that feels good. It's okay to cry too.
Even if you do not have the energy to jog outside, you can do squats, situps, and pushups indoors....Endorphins right? Helps a little. All you need is just a little surge of optimism every now and then; I think you can definitely find this with some effort.
do you have good health insurance from your job? because psychologists/psychiatrists are usually covered and if you see an in netowrk provider, you'd likely only pay the office visit copay for sessions. since you don't have friends you can reach out to, i really think you should try this. talking to someone will help you tremendously especially since it seems you are becoming more withdrawn.
"It's alright, you're still young. You got everything behind you but yourself."
hang in there Electrode. depression is truly a terrible illness. i'm a couple of years older than you and have had it bad, but not constant, for 10 years and counting. when i graduated university the pressure and responsibility just completely caved me in and i ended up in hospital. tried many different medications and they don't work for me. i don't know what it is, something on the bipolar scale, or a type of personality disorder on top of the good old depression and anxiety.
anyway, i understand everything you say. at the moment i'm ok and holding down a good job as well, but i'm so busy with it i have no time for anything else. i do know that when you're in the state you describe, your thinking is all wrong. completely back to front. can you get some cognitive behaviour therapy, or techniques to train you to think differently? it sounds impossible, i know, but it does help. you might find a different med to help you as well, keep trying them if you can tolerate them.
try not to compare yourself with others situations. i've travelled, am happily divorced and had amazing relationships and life experiences throughout all this shit.
i hope you feel a little better for getting this out here and feel you can share these problems. it's more common than you might think, and in a way i find it helps to hear about others dealing with it. like when you read about an actor or sports person talking about their experiences, i don't feel so bad about sharing it with them. i wouldn't wish this illness on even the worst that humanity has to offer. it is really that bad. good luck mate, talk about it.
A few years ago (and the same age) I was experiencing many of the things are you describing. I was able to combat these issues by performing a complete lifestyle change. I left my job, moved out of town, went to grad school. The idea was to put myself out of my comfort zone and really push myself. I was getting too comfortable with life routine.
You can try changing your diet or whatever, but I think you perhaps need something more drastic. Take a leap of faith man, put yourself out into the world.
- True Romance.
Things will turn around, but like Rock said, it starts with you!
Eat right! Sleep! Workout (seriously)! Try something new!
Some great advice from other strutters for sure above as well.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Acceptance_and_commitment_therapy
I recently did a round of sessions for my anxiety issues and found it very helpful.
As mentioned above, I have also used C.B.T. and found that great too, but for a slightly different issue.
Anyhow, I love this place and love all of you. I mean that from the bottom of my heart.
Now enough about me. Back to the record talk
Hit me on pm, there are strategies that work
Many of us have been where you are and come out the other side
Hey Electrode,
Every day above earth is a blessing. Be grateful! As long as you are alive, you have opportunity to better your lot in life. Most important of all are your health and well-being. The rich man would give up all his riches to live. Focus on being well physically, mentally, and emotionally, and you'll live life more richly. You must CHOOSE to be happy (in terms of outlook), and being grateful is a fine place to start. Be well, friend!!!
Peace,
Big Stacks from Kakalak
It takes guts to lay it out there, there ain't no shame. And it shows that your aware of the situation and want to do something about it, which is healthy. I've been down in the past and it has been tied to PTSD wrt a climbing accident that occured when I was 20. Often it was cyclical, pot and alcohol intake going up almost as quickly as my daily coping skills plumetted. I crashed completely a couple of times.The only thing that saved me was getting into a rock solid relationship with someone that inexplicably found something to love in me. She's my anchor, for real. Guess my advice to you is try to shake the routine up, meet some news folks in your hood. And as Bassie said talking to a pro can really make a difference. The key is finding someone that will get to know you as a person not a clinical trial.
I know starting a new hobby can be intimidating and not something that one picks up with skill right away but there is a real psychological reward to becoming incrementally better at something that is also healthy. People who have a passion for the outdoors are the happiest people I know. Running, riding a bike, climbing, etc... are all cheap cost of entry and great ways to clear your head.
There a ton of meet-up style groups that are down to nurture beginners of all activities. Something to considering.
I agree with this in that, when you have depression/anxiety, it is actually a great time to learn more about yourself. Concentrate on accomplishing ONE or TWO things and become good at it. You will feel good taking just baby steps during hard times.
Agree with what NateBizzo says too. The outdoors will heal; be it the beach, mountains, or river. You don't need anyone to go with either.
The fact that I wasn't the only one that felt you were a great dude in person says something about how your parents raised you, and is a testament to your character. Kinda just as important as money my dude. You can't buy compassion.
^^Man, that's it. Right there.
I'm looking forward to you bumping this thread again next year telling us all how great you feel. It will happen.
Good luck!
I admire your bravery in sharing your troubles.
If I may, I'd suggest getting a bike (if you don't already have one) and taking daily rides, preferrably on tree-lined paths to connect you a bit to nature. Play some uplifting music on your rides, like Mayfield's "Move On Up", or Yellow Sunshine, or James Mason's "Free" etc. In a matter of days, your outlook will change dramatically.
The daily rides will increase your appetite, and over time, you might start feeling the need to do pushups/situps etc. which will further increase your appetite and your attitude towards your physical and overall health.
Which brings me to my next point...
I suggest joining a co-ed rec sports league and taking up softball, or ultimate, soccer, etc. No one takes the games seriously, so don't worry if you "suck", just have a good sense of humour about it. You'll start making friends in no time, and although they might not share a love of raers, they'll still be down for post-game drinks. It's okay to be shy and feel things out for the first bit. But remember, they don't know you, so you get a fresh start--take advantage.
Lastly, most of us on here have been through a dark patch, (myself included), so know you have many community members here pulling for you. Good luck to you, keep your chin up, and please feel free to PM anytime.
Be well.
I also wholly concur on with taking steps to relax further before sleep - shut off the television and video games, cut out food and drink save water or relaxing tea and try to follow the deep breathing suggestions (I still struggle with breathing myself).
I would also add that therapy - regardless of the form - should not necessarily be overlooked as an option. in it's simplest form, talk therapy can provide a forum in which you can share / release thoughts, concerns, fears at a set frequency (once a week / every other week worked well for me). Over time, relegating such thoughts and expressions a specific forum can help to free up your own space for more creative and positive fare.
good luck.
The bootstraps myth of mental health. While there are people in the world who thrive on negativity and/or the supposed romanticism of despair and need to break out of that cycle, there are others for whom depression and anxiety is a very real and weighty cloud that they can't get out from under. I know people are being helpful, but the implication of being able to "choose" happiness is that one chooses to be depressed and/or anxiety-ridden. Simply not true. And to be clear, for a lot of people, depression isn't about unhappiness but the absence of almost any emotions/connections and the inability to find an answer for, as Electrode put it, "why bother?".
Hi Bassie,
I agree totally. I should've been clearer. By choosing happiness I meant to be proactive in doing things that will enhance well-being. Of course, that would include seeking out professional help in cases of mental (or physical) illness. The point is to not fall into a state of learned helplessness about one's illness. Certainly, I didn't mean to minimize the impact mental illness (actually, I'm a psychologist by training).
Peace,
Big Stacks from Kakalak
I swear I know people who do this.
But yeah...
Choosing to be happy means to choose to do something about it. It will take some effort,
you can't expect it to fall in your lap.
Good luck 'trode.
I think I understand what you're saying, Stacks. My sister and I were both exposed to a good deal of stress as children (moving apartments constantly, going to 7 different schools, two divorces, etc.) and the difference in how we've coped as adults is like night and day. I've been more proactive in seeking out help in understanding my issues and I've recognized that I'm the one with the power to make healthy choices for myself moving forward. My sister is still struggling with shedding that attitude of victimhood that prevents her from taking responsibility for her own well-being. As long as she refuses to clear that mental hurdle, she'll still be searching for some magic bullet that will cure her anxiety and depression at one fell swoop.
This thread is full of great advice. Electrode, I feel for you and I hope you can find something here that helps. You're clearly open to examining the issues and roadblocks you're facing and that's a great attitude to start with. When overwhelmed by circumstances that are difficult to control or feelings of existential hopelessness, I find it helpful to practice deep breathing, like Paycheck recommended, and remind myself that meaningful improvement is usually a slow process. As long as you keep at it, you'll see improvement and slowly the anxiety will feel more manageable.
E - Not sure where you are located and if you are headed towards cold weather and winter (if so, maybe something to keep in mind for next spring) but gardening is something worth trying. If your place doesn't have the space for it, there might be a community garden in your area. If not, maybe it's something to look into starting. It will depend on your municipality, but it is an endeavour that some areas publicly fund. Nurturing and maintaining a garden and growing your own food is both therapeutic and rewarding. There is a lot to be said for being self-sufficient, even in the smallest way. Community gardens put you in touch with people around you and depending on what the model is, provide fresh vegetables to those in need. You can even start small with indoor herb pots.
I just saw on meetup.com there's a local soccer group that plays at the park right around the corner. I haven't played since elementary school. They meet this Saturday morning, actually. I had a couple of you tell me to do some research regarding a possible career change. Well, I have been making phone calls to film post-production places (I love film and I took a digital video editing course earlier this year, so why not?) to ask them what exactly they do everyday. One person offered to take me on a tour of the place one day. I guess that's progress.
And I do have a garden, actually. It's a 2' x 8' space where I grow my own hot peppers. I tried tomatoes last season, but fungus and bugs completely screwed them up.
Anyhow, I just want to let you guys know that none of what has been mentioned has fallen gone on deaf ears. I think airing this out yesterday is just what I needed.
One thing that I have incorporated into my efforts to maintain well-being is full-body massage. I have been chair of my academic department for 2 years and it is quite stressful. I get a massage weekly, and it's amazing how the stress literally rolls off of my back. Perhaps, if feasible, you can incorporate massage into your efforts to improve your well-being. This is an example of an active response to managing my stress and it has been really helpful. To the 'Strut massive, I am always impressed with how knowledgeable you are and how you show such wonderful support in times of distress. To Electrode, be well and know that I'm pulling for you, my friend!!!
Peace,
Big Stacks from Kakalak
I've had good luck with this for sleep. (whole foods has it).
Also not eating after 7pm or so has helped.
Honestly, this doesn't surprise me at all. The first step in solving many problems of this nature is to 'put it out there' so to speak. Say it out loud to people you know, or even people you don't. Even if you don't get the great responses you got here, that act alone can help set off a chain of events that can lead you in the right direction.
We are happy and we are sad. Take the fuckin' happy days by the horns and ride em till the cows come home. Enjoy those special moments with the people who you love. Smile. Have sex as often as possible. Hug your closest friends. They need it.