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Old man reviews:
Lil Pump “gucci gang” - brave of this dude to film an extended shot of him walking the halls of a school next to a tiger, which actually walks with swagger and menace, but only exaggerates what a fucking cream puff he is. Raps: I fart better in the bathtub. Beats: nothing different from the identikit trap sound of now.
4 out of 10
Lil Xan “past bedtime” - boring as fuck, wouldn’t leave this kid alone in the house without a babysitter, WTF is he doing in a music video? Projects ZERO enthusiasm for whatever existential problems a kid who hasn’t gone through puberty yet might have, but he has at least left me wondering who is audience is. Is the beat the same as the last one but with a floaty intro?
2 out of 10
Lil Skies “nowadays” - floaty haired dude seems to have time-travelled a young Steve Akoi onto the video shoot to lip-synch a gay as fuck chorus, so props for that at least. How old are these little shits? WTF are they doing out of school making rap videos when they can barely string coherent sentences together?
4 out of 10
The highest compliment I can pay all 3 is having the self awareness to dub themselves “Lil”. They’ve got careers and stuff, maybe when they grow up there will be some artistic development. Or maybe I’m just old for thinking that matters.
(I guess I should add that this is all slightly tongue-in-cheek. Slightly)
Fuck I’m glad music was better when I was young. This shit sucks ass.