Extended family and In-law Drama (Discuss)
yuichi
Urban sprawl 11,331 Posts
Alright so my bro is married, and the wife is starting to show her true colors in being a control freak that has two kids now. Wants everything to be on time, and calls out my brother every 10 seconds for something. From everything I know about my brother, he is generous and accommodating and is a true team player. Most recently he was being carried off to the hospital because his stomach or something was hurting bad. Same shit happened again tonight in front of me, and I was dumbfounded and offended at how little she seemed to care about my brother's well-being as he lay there on the sofa in obvious pain. She was more concerned about getting her 3 month old in the bath on time.
I shouldn't have to step in on shit like this, but I'm gonna explain to my bro how this is totally uncool. This wife has had other issues with my family as well, and no one has said much to her directly, which is a damn shame. How do you guys deal with bullshit like this from in-laws, particularly if it affects your brother/sister's well-being?
I shouldn't have to step in on shit like this, but I'm gonna explain to my bro how this is totally uncool. This wife has had other issues with my family as well, and no one has said much to her directly, which is a damn shame. How do you guys deal with bullshit like this from in-laws, particularly if it affects your brother/sister's well-being?
Comments
He's prolly about 8th in line after kids, home, family, friends, money, creature comforts and routine.
Once he understands this, it's easier. Either deal or make himself anti-fragile.
Reclaim independence - cook, clean, clothe, squirrel some parachute assets away.
Just in case, natch.
Cos all the legal cards are stacked in her favour. And (from personal experience) recognise man becomes dependent on woman, almost never vice versa.
But your bro is the keeper of his happiness, not you.
This is honestly the best advice. There is no guiding people around a shitty relationship. Either they acknowledge that they deserve better or they don't. I know it sucks watching a friend/fam get sucked into the abyss of a shit relationship....
All I've ever done is give them this look:
He'd have to have it in him, mind. Be prepared for her to do one.
Mate used to laugh at me arguing on the blower at work, said he and his Mrs never ever argued. She left him a couple of years back, out of the blue, she said she thought her marriage had been over for a while.
I've always been kind of suspicious of that.
also, as someone who's been sick or in pain while my wife yelled at me about getting a child in the bath (or some shit), I can tell you.... that comes with the territory. early parenthood is stressful... u have no idea how/if they squashed shit after... everyone can be uncaring at times... we all get a turn.
if there truly is a problem, they have to work it out regardless, you are not a marriage counselor and can really fuck some shit up trying to be one.
Don't.
I have a sil who manipulative, cruel and undermines my bro at every turn.
She hates our family and we hate her. (Hate might be too strong a word, or maybe not.)
But everyone tries their best to get a long.
Because bottom line, we love our brother and he loves her. End of story.
I have another sil who dealt with an alcoholic, drug addicted, narcissistic, alcoholic husband for years.
Woman is a saint and a great mother.
In other inlaw news, we recently built a house in our backyard for my ancient inlaws.
Make them dinner every night and provide rides, care and concierge services everyday.
I even go to church with them every Sunday.
So I say, your sil is family. Love her.
Fuck that...tell her and your brother how u feel.
But just your opinion. Dont speak for your fam.
Put that shit on the table.
Yes. Unsolicited advice is almost never welcome. And throwing the "almost" in there is generous.
This as well. A lot of what you said, Yuichi, is just plain old regular relationship stuff once you have young children in the mix. A lot of what might have seemed beyond the pale before kids becomes part of the mix is now "the arguments nobody wants to have, but we seem to have them regularly anyway."
Family life. LIVING THE FUCKING DREAM BRO.
If it's to the extent where you think it's a serious concern, try approaching from a different angle. Talk to your brother about how he's feeling, how things are going for him. Assuming you have a good relationship, he may well tell you if he's not feeling right about the situation. Then, and only then, you'll be clear to voice your opinions... and even then, show some restraint. Let him do the talking. People are usually more receptive to a point of view when they've asked for it, or it's driven by them.
I willing submitted.
Thank you, LaserWolf's wife, for posting that.
This x 1,000,000.
Good on you for being concerned about your brother and probably your brother's kids too, but unless he's asking for your advice on his marriage, you should stay out of it.
My brother is finalizing his divorce from a horrible woman. He's been miserable for the better part of 4 years. He's never asked my advice, I've never given it. Best thing to do is be there for him in other aspects of his life.
Batmon,
This is basically what I've done. MY opinion.
And to put more into context, I've known my younger brother's
wife longer than anyone; as she's had this awkward, unlike-able side
since she was roommates with my ex. So there is some history.
And I completely agree with the folks that said, "Not your business".
But first time I saw my brother literally laying on all fours in pain,
while the wife shooed me out the house because the baby needed a bath,
i was furious and bewildered.
I've had a good relationship with my brother. During adulthood, we've been there for each other and have talked frankly and objectively about each other's real world problems at times.
The "spilling over" onto MY family at large is the issue I have here. Sorry, if its borderline intervention.
If the objective is for a family unit to be perfect, (which women apparently get obssessed with), then I have an issue. At what cost??
Funny shit.
Skel,
Sounds fair to me.
Well if youve expressed your concern and shit is still the same, then its out of your hands.
Dude wants to be a team player and never shoot the ball then thats that.
BUT....your brothers health should remain a priority.
Yea, I hear you.
Thanks for the support.
Obviously we don't know all that you know, but I am in the tread lightly camp. When you said 3 month old, I thought "well nobody is rational when you have a 3 month old." If she's nuts she's nuts, but parents of young kids all act crazy at times.
And Skel is right that the relationship changes when the kids come. But if you aren't married and don't have kids, I'd be careful about going in hot on the advice/feedback.