MEMORABLE FARTS

Phill_MostPhill_Most 4,596 Posts
edited January 2016 in Off Topic (NRR)
One time when I was in like 7th grade I was sitting in math class, and I had this massive fart inside of me that I was holding back. But the gas pains were getting to me, man. I had to release it. I thought maybe if I just eased it out I could do it silently. Right at this time the teacher, who was a funny guy, walks over to the window and says he's gonna shut it because it's getting chilly. Then it happened- that fart that I tried to let slip out unobtrusively erupted through my cordurouys with a loud foghorn-like sound that filled the room and even seemed to echo. The teacher says, "On second thought, maybe I'll leave the window open". The whole class busted out laughing. I was mortified! Especially to see the cute girl who sat next to me in class looking at me with ridicule in her eyes, just snickering at me. I got teased over that for awhile, until I finally told kids to shut the f**k up before they get jabbed in the eye with an eberhard-faber. They left me alone after that.

My other most memorable fart was maybe about 9 years ago. I was in a convenience store, and I don't know what the hell I'd been eating, but I let out the most stinkiest SBD (silent but deadly) in the history of mankind. I swaer, it smelled like some kind of hazardous chemicals or something, it didn't even smell like a fart. I get to the counter to pay for my ice cream sandwich, and the clerk is smiling at me. Her smile swiftly changed to a look of horror as she blurted out "WHAT IS THAT SMELL???" I couldn't help but burst out laughing, then I just walked the f**k out. That was some funny ass schitt, man.

What are your most memorable farts? Add on, add on! And plaese, no stories about how you meant to fart and accidentally shat all over yourself.... the "I SHAT ON MYSELF" thread is coming at a later date, so save your shit tales until then. Have a great day!
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  • PrimeCutsLtdPrimeCutsLtd jersey fresh 2,633 Posts
    I remember when I was a kid and I was running up the stairs with my brother right behind me. All of a sudden I stopped and let one rip right in his face. He dry heaved and I laughed my ass off. I will always have fond memories of that fart.

  • SwayzeSwayze 14,708 Posts
    I'm very sneaky in my farting ways, when it comes to the public.

    So while I don't have any good stories of myself, I'd just like to take a moment and say that this thread is awesome.

    Awesome.

    p.s. I'm still waiting for that squirting thread Phill!


  • PrimeCutsLtdPrimeCutsLtd jersey fresh 2,633 Posts
    What are your most memorable farts? Add on, add on! And plaese, no stories about how you meant to fart and accidentally shat all over yourself.... the "I SHAT ON MYSELF" thread is coming at a later date, so save your shit tales until then. Have a great day!

    You should call that thread "gambled and lost"

  • My story is not that spectacular, but I remember trying to synchronize sequences of farts to the beat of the music that was on. This was during a time in which I listened to fusion a lot. I remember feeling proud of the achievement when I managed to double the guitar riff that sets in at 1:33 into Bill Bruford's Beelzebub.

    What's an ice cream sandwich?

  • Has anyone ever been witness to a female lose her anal composure in a public place?

    Thats man.

  • I used to be addicted to chewing gum, I got through about 20 packs a day. Most gums contain an ingredient called "sorbitol" which is also a laxitive. It used to give me CRAZY wind. At times I could fart about 30 times in a row, on demand too. It got to the point where I could actually fart beats. One time I farted the Axel F theme perfectly infront of some friends, no shit (excuse the pun). It hurt my stomach though. I don't mess with gum too much these days.

  • I used to be addicted to chewing gum, I got through about 20 packs a day. Most gums contain an ingredient called "sorbitol" which is also a laxitive. It used to give me CRAZY wind. At times I could fart about 30 times in a row, on demand too. It got to the point where I could actually fart beats. One time I farted the Axel F theme perfectly infront of some friends, no shit (excuse the pun). It hurt my stomach though. I don't mess with gum too much these days.

    Y'all are with the fart beat box stories. I used to do that schitt too! Let that gas build up, then just rip off a nice little boom bap or even a melody. I haven't done that in a long time. I haven't been that gassy lately.

  • DocBeezyDocBeezy 1,918 Posts
    Me and my moms was at a "Family Style" Restaurant. It crazy packed. I was probably about 13 years old. Moms goes and tells me a story about her being on a train in Europe and they gave her a sandwich that was like rubber. When she bit into it she pulled it back real far and still couldnt get a bite of it.



    I dont know why but I found that shit hilarious. I started laughing hysterically and then I let the biggest fart of my life (still to this day). Everyone stopped and looked at me. The waitress said "SOunds like someone got gas"



    no! really? Bitch.



    I was soo embarrassed. Its funny now.


  • What's an ice cream sandwich?

    They are delicious- a concotion which consists of two dark brown cookie-like materials with ice cream betwix them, usually vanilla but also sometimes chocolate or neopolitan. There are other variations of this, too, like 2 big chocolate chip cookies with ice cream betwix them. Let's not turn this into an ice cream sandwich thread, though, delectable as they may be. Let's stay focused on our most beloved fart recollections.

  • One night, after a very substantial Ethiopian dinner, I rolled over in bed, half asleep and lit one that lasted close to 30 seconds. Needless to say my wife was both stunned and displeased.

    On a related tip, my brother used to be in a band with a guy that looked like the singer in the cartoon version of the Gorillaz, who bathed maybe once or twice a week and always walked around in this unwashed, paint-stained baja. One time we were hanging out watching a movie and this guy lit what is by far, in my 43 years of experience the stinkiest, rotten diaper, carcass on the side of the road, pit of hell, Satan's ball cheese fart I have ever smelled. It was like the dude was rotting from the inside out. I had to leave the room.
    The dude was arrested a few years later, walking the streets of New Brunswick, tripping his balls off in his underwear.


  • no! really? Bitch.

    Hahaaaaaaa. I would have loved it if you'd have busted that to her dude.

  • DocBeezyDocBeezy 1,918 Posts

    no! really? Bitch.

    Hahaaaaaaa. I would have loved it if you'd have busted that to her dude.

    yeah me too. I did over and over in my head. Moms aint havin that type of speak in front of her..


  • PrimeCutsLtdPrimeCutsLtd jersey fresh 2,633 Posts
    A lot of my fart memories come from lighting my farts on fire. Ahhh those were some good times. Turning the lights off and blasting the blue flamers...good times...

  • Latin Class, seventh grade and of course the girlie I liked was right next to me. I'm being a smartass and have to stand up and say some bullshit in latin. Of course I let out a giant one right in the middle of my "grumio stat hortigilo or something." I had been so sure I had it under control I loosened my sphincter and blam. I had been making moves earlier that day to get a kiss from that girl later on. you can bet it didnt happen. something about farting in latin class is incredibly embarassing.

    First date with a good prospect, several years ago. We had driven about an hour away to go to an Native american gaming casino, ie Chumash in Lompoc. At the time, they had these buffalo wings they would bring to your table which I ate a ton of. You can imagine how nasty they were. After loosing all my jeffersons in an embarassing fashion, we're driving back. Things are starting to get good. SHe's playing with my hand and whatnot, kissing it, putting to her face, but my stomach is KILLING me. One of those sharp lower abdominal things that makes you sweat. What do I do??? I roll down the window and let out a devastating SBD that all the fresh air in the world couldnt tame. SHe immediately knows whats up, gives me this look of utter disgust with this really loud sigh, drops my hand and leans all the way back in her seat. I didnt see her again after that night. Serves that shallow bitch right.

  • Ever cut one as the elevator door is closing, thinking you'll have the whole place to yourself? And then you don't and the other person has 14 stories of hell?

  • Ever cut one as the elevator door is closing, thinking you'll have the whole place to yourself? And then you don't and the other person has 14 stories of hell?

    As George Carlin says:" Two people in an elevator, one of them farts, everyone knows who did it..."

  • DocBeezyDocBeezy 1,918 Posts
    I didnt see her again after that night. Serves that shallow bitch right.

    I can only imagine she is kickin herself for that one.
    Duderonomy

  • there is a video floating around of a woman newscaster who farts on camera, she can't stop laughing. classic

    one time my friend from college tried to get a fart out, but justy gambled and lost and shit his pants. the outcome was a bit messy and smelly. we got a good laugh at his expense though.

  • kennykenny 1,024 Posts
    i farted in front of Jackie Chan while we were both lining up at the airport.

    My stomach was about to explode, I had to let it out...it stank like hell too

    didn't realise that it was him till i turned around after I farted.


  • DocBeezyDocBeezy 1,918 Posts


    one time my friend from college tried to get a fart out, but justy gambled and lost and shit his pants. the outcome was a bit messy and smelly. we got a good laugh at his expense though.


    PHILL SAID:
    What are your most memorable farts? Add on, add on! And plaese, no stories about how you meant to fart and accidentally shat all over yourself.... the "I SHAT ON MYSELF" thread is coming at a later date, so save your shit tales until then. Have a great day!

  • This just came to mind: farts tend to seriously smell different in other countries. Especially in countries where they still use coal for heating. There must be some chemical reaction that alters the smell of the fart. The composition of the air must be wildly different form place to place and the altering of your farts odour in a way can be used as an indicator. And don't tell me it's because you eat differently over there. This phenomenon starts when you exit the airplane.

  • JLRJLR 3,836 Posts

    On a related tip, my brother used to be in a band with a guy that looked like the singer in the cartoon version of the Gorillaz,

    Guillermo Coria, argentinian tennis player:



    2D:


  • DocBeezyDocBeezy 1,918 Posts
    Farts are the worst in a hot shower. It magnifies the smell by at least 50x. awful.

  • GropeGrope 2,970 Posts
    About two months ago, I was feeling very depressed and actuall started to cry. My girlfriend was lying next to me. She didn't know what to say. All of the sudden, she farted out loud. It made me laugh soooo hard. Eventhough I was crying before.



    A friend of mine was listening to records at the listening station of our local store. He had headphones on. Ever noticed how people raise their voice when wearing headphones? Strange thing. Anyways, he had to fart while listening and, of course, he couldn't hear himself. One of the loudest farts I ever heard. Everyone inside the store was laughing except him. He didn't notice his fart at all... he kept on listening.

    That dude is so strange. He always tries to talk to me when I listen to records via headphones. We got into fights over that. Strange.

  • DocBeezyDocBeezy 1,918 Posts
    A Ever noticed how people raise their voice when wearing headphones? Strange thing. Anyways, he had to fart while listening and, of course, he couldn't hear himself. One of the loudest farts I ever heard. .

    so to him, he thought it was an SBD?

  • GropeGrope 2,970 Posts
    A Ever noticed how people raise their voice when wearing headphones? Strange thing. Anyways, he had to fart while listening and, of course, he couldn't hear himself. One of the loudest farts I ever heard. .

    so to him, he thought it was an SBD?

    yeah!



  • A friend of mine was listening to records at the listening station of our local store. He had headphones on. Ever noticed how people raise their voice when wearing headphones? Strange thing. Anyways, he had to fart while listening and, of course, he couldn't hear himself. One of the loudest farts I ever heard. Everyone inside the store was laughing except him. He didn't notice his fart at all... he kept on listening.
    That dude is so strange. He always tries to talk to me when I listen to records via headphones. We got into fight over that. Strange.

    Ha ha, what a character!

  • kennykenny 1,024 Posts
    libraries/ book stores man... i tell ya, funniest thing.

    imagine a real quiet room full of people with occasional "pooot!!" or "prrrrt" every min or so...


  • DocBeezyDocBeezy 1,918 Posts
    libraries/ book stores man... i tell ya, funniest thing.

    imagine a real quiet room full of people with occasional "pooot!!" or "prrrrt" every min or so...


    actually that reminds me.

    I was in 7th grade. I was a troublemaker for the most part. So im taking this test, and the super snotty im better than you bitch behind me farts. Its dead quiet in there and she farts.

    Noone notices expect the 4 people in the vicinity. She plays it off as if she just sneezed "Oh bless me", starts rubbin her nose and sniffin. I lost it. Hysterical. The teacher is getting a little irritated. The girl behind me leans up to me and says "It was just a sneeze" And then I really lost it! I tried to whisper but It came out real loud cause I started crackin up........"BITCH! YOU FARTED"


    yeah. I was sent to the office.
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